Love is a never ending feeling.

2004-02-07T15:35:00.000-08:00

wow. nothing like being in a really good mood and it suddenly goes away. when u cant fall asleep i feel loved that you dont think to call me you know i would talk to you. thanks tho. your right i detested the movie. but do not call me a lier. ever. u asked if i wanted to leave. and i didnt. i just didnt want to watch the movie. you paid $13 to see this movie im not makeing u leave at my expence. so if i wanted to leave i would have left. thanks for thinking ahead and planning next time to leave me sitting in the damn theater. and i think the thing that hurts the most is that u didnt tell me this you wrote in this stupid journal. no and the fact that you called me a hypocrite. that really hurts. my biggest pet peave is hypocrites and thanks but im really not one. i said that i have the feeling what college you are going to. im just trying to keep it in my head that the possiblity is there that you might be 4 hours away from me and we wont talk every single day and we wont see eachother at least 4 times a week. so when i say that i am not telling you where to go and what to do i was only stating my opinion and last time i checked that was NOT being a Hypocrite. wow u really hurt my feelings. to the point im holding back tears. i dont get it.

2004-02-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

Well i guess ill start writing in this again. i have nothing better to do when i cant fall asleep. Tonight Katie and i went to go see the movie the butterfly effect. Katie hated the movie. i asked her if she wanted to leave but she just said no and laid in the oppisite direction from me. i felt so loved. if she would have said yes i would have walked out of the movie with her in a heart beat, with out even looking back. i mean hell it was just a movie. i just hate it that she lied to me, i mean just tell me u wanna leave and we can. next time, if she hates a movie so bad i can tell but im still interested in it, if she says no when i ask her if she wants to leave, i think ill just get up and go wait in the lobby until she realizes that its ok, and that i dont mind. i would rather get out and go do something we would enjoy instead of sit there and watch her be annoyed by a movie. later in the night she said she "knows" what college im going to go to. well all i can say is that "and no offence intended" but she was being a hypocrit. she always tells me to never assume when thats what she was doing 100%. i still have no clue where im going, but ill tell u this, if someone came up to me and made me pick between uofa and nau, i would say nau with out hesitation. i know what uofa has to offer but nau is a whole new world to me that i can venture on, plus it comes with the one thing that means anything in my life: Katie.

2004-01-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

there isnt a point to this journal we never write in it. just sharing my thoughts.

2003-12-19T23:24:00.000-08:00

tonight was pretty fun. we all met up at chris' house to play nintendo which didnt work out too well someone was always left out so we watched cruel intentions i love that movie! then chris and i went over to his dads which is the purpose to this entry. its still a little weird for me.. remember that i told you how someone i really cared about used me for "pleasure" and then broke my heart. now that i trust you with everything its ok but there is just something about what i did tonight that still makes me a little uncomfortable.. well toward the end the uneasy feeling was going away and then kara came home. honestly something about that upset me. one i felt bad for just abruptly stopping thats kinda mean but something made me stop and i felt really uncomfortable. it was way too weird.. on the way home i then started thinking about how much i miss her.. the old kara that is.. and how there is nothing i can do about it. of course that was among other things that i was thinking about. i feel bad about tonight but yeah. i dont think you will understand this entry but eh its worth a shot.

a day that will live forever in my mind.

2003-12-17T21:57:00.000-08:00

Not proofread

One of the best days I had in a long time!
Today started off great, and only got better through out the rest of the day. This morning I began with a final in engilsh. we had to write an essay on why we should be admitted to Engilsh 102. it was easy, i think ill get an A on it. then i went to spanish for its final. i had to get a 40% to get a D in the class. well good news i got a 73%. so that alone made my day, but turned out to only be one of the highlights of my day. next i went to my Gov't final where i needed a 70 to get a B in the class and i got a 75 so that was good. that gave me an 81 in the class. so i left school with a smile on my face.
Later i went to katies where matt, katie an i went and got subway, which was delicious. thanks matt! after chilling at their house for awhile katie and i went back to my house. we started getting really frisky. and i was like well its time to put on th condom. "SHIT! I LEFT IT OUT IN THE CAR!" so i put on some shorts and go running out to my plastic covered car. i rip off the plastic, get in my car, run over to katies car and rip off the plastic there too. i didnt feel like bringing the plastic inside so i just threw it on the ground. i go to open the door and i relize i have no condom in my hand and im like what the shit. so i look under the plastic, nope!! so i look out in the street and there it is laying front of katies car. so i go running out there and grab and come running back inside. i had to catch my breath at first because i was running the whole time. katie told me that my phone rang but i didnt know who it was so i didnt care. so we get started again and have some sex. it was quick but thats my fault becaus i have no clue when the fuck adrian was going to get home, but i could have lasted longer if i knew all the time arrangements. later we found out why our cars were covered in plastic, because of the roof thing. katie and started watching tv and she was so turning me on again. so i tried to rush her back to my room for another round. i was litterally trying to rip her clothes off. she didnt think we had enough time so we stoped. so after a great evening of sex and a good morning of school, i had to go to work. =( .....but my boss let me go home so i could study for finals =) so instead i went to katies. we went out to eat at Le Madalines which was more expensive then i thought but was still fun. after dinner we went back to her house with my hand feeling her up half the way home...good stuff. we watched Shrek with her mom. we cuddled through out the movie....i loved it. half way through the movie i had to go home. well i come home for a half an hour then i went over to ryans to help him with math. as he walks me out to my car he tell me that he was in his car early today with leroy. as they passed my house he saw that my car was covered in plastic. so he asked leroy why and leroy said i dont know but i just saw chris run out of his house with out a shirt on. and he said well i think that was katies car so that might explain the no shirt. so they tried to call me and that was who called while i was outside. so i told him the whole story about comdon and the roof and he thought it was funny as i did. i could only imange what it must of looked like to them seeing me running out of my house with out a shirt on. good that must funny as hell! now i am watching a very funny episode of Seinfield. Today was very complete and i hope tomorrow is just as great!!!

What it is?

2003-12-10T17:37:00.000-08:00

its short and red velvet it has white fluffy stuff around the top and bottom.. then it has red hearts attached to the white parts. that is all i wanted to tell you [= what i liked from the store.

New kids on the block make me sick haha [=

2003-12-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

ohhh lets ssee what to write about it? im so sorry i never write ive been so busy. well i dont really have much to say im sorry. um oh yes yesterday was chris and My 9 months. eek longest relationship ever. [= today my mom and iw ere talking about how a while ago chris and i took a so called break that didnt really end up happening. and she decided to tell me what really happened even tho i figured it out on my own. every time i have had a boyfriend when they really start to like me i find something wrong because i no longer feel independant so i find a flaw and push them away.. ah and they always leave. but this time was the first time that the person didnt leave... he didnt go anywhere.. i have never really had that happen. now i didnt do that to all my bfs but generaly it was along those lines.. i never did it on purpose i was something i never realized that i did until i realized it when he didnt leave [= and 9 months later here we are and i simply cant be happier. no one knows me better then him.. people might know more about me then him but defetnaly not better no one cares about me as much as he does no one can possibly compare. for that i am thankful he is keeping me sane and makeing me soo very happy at the same time [= i love you chris!
ok i must study!

2003-12-07T22:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I climaxed for the first time with Katie. It was incredible. The best sexually feeling that has ever traveled through my body. I love our position so much. Just sitting here thinking about it makes me so turned on. The night of romance was so great...Filled with alcohol, laughs and great sex!! Katie kept the wrapper for our memory box....but we can only hope it makes it there. My friend Corey had some fun with us talking about our night online. Katie tells me she would like to spend wed after school with me. IM extremely looking forward to it. Well this is all I have to write for now I might write more later.

2003-12-01T23:24:00.000-08:00

Wow what a day. It started out like just a normal day and turned into an extrodanary day. Katie and I had some fun after school sex.So far we've only been trying just the normal positions so next time I think we should try a new one. I have a few in mind.

it sucks that IM not going to be able to see Katie until Friday night. I hate not seeing her. Its like nothing I have ever felt before. Her abstance in my life is like the abstance of words in a book......They just have to be there, or else there is no point. My life would be meaningless without Katie. Shies gives me the will power to succeed in life. She makes me want to get good grades so I can go to any college I want so I can follow her where ever she goes. I wake up every morning saying "I cant wait to see Katie today, and if I don't see her I hope that I can talk to her!" a day without Katie is like a day with out sunshine. She is my life, she is my one and only, she is my lover, she is .........MY KATIE.

2003-11-28T00:10:00.000-08:00

i never write and im sorry. but tonight i have something to say [= ah! so i went out with ashley and lyndsee to see xmas lights yet that never happened short story we meet chris at my house.. and he was dressed up. he looked incredably sexy you have no idea! anyways we ended up at the movies with ashley and max good movie twisted. and then went home. well actually we had fun in his car. i have never had more fun in a car before.. it wasnt as much as weve done before but there was just something about it that drove me crazy. i didnt want to stop kissing him. ah note to self : Dave Mathews Band = good mood music [= hehe. so then he walked me to the door like the sweetheart that he is. Thank you for the movie drink everything! i am soooo lucky to have him. Ya Ya i know girls are jellious [lol] and if [you] arent well ya should be cause im the luckest girl in the world. im goin to bed so tomorrow will come faster.

somehow i know he laughed when he read this :P

2003-11-23T23:48:00.000-08:00

The night of the Trio:
tonight katie and i went to see Alkaline Trio in consert. i didnt really care that much about the opening bands, but AT was fucking awesome. they played my favorite song of thiers, We've Had Enough. i would love to go to another concert with katie sometime..maybe not at the Marquee theatre though. i wasnt to big of a fan of standing for 5 hours but it was worth it once AT played. well its like 12:50 so im going to hit the sack!

2003-11-22T23:35:00.000-08:00

[written as if someone else is reading it]

i made him cry. do you understand how horrible i feel. ya know when something so bad happens and you think oh it cant get worse then this.. oh it can and thats where i am way way way below whatever shitty thing happened to you. something wasnt right and i knew it. and yet i ignored it. i thought ok he is mad and there isnt anything i can do.. only to find out that he wasnt mad but was upset. i seem to be oblivious to the little things that i do sometimes. and i am only human i need to be made aware... and he did that but in a way that made me feel like complete shit. when i pulled my hand away it was only because of the smoke or to put them in my pockets in hopes for some warmth.. it never occured to me that the best warmth would come from him. i just layed there and listened to him talk with the crackle in his voice and the tears and i had nothing to say because there was Nothing i could do i cant go back and change it i can only promise to do my best to change myself. i love him more then anything in the entire world. since the day was watched dumb and dumber i drove home with a smile on my face thinking yep it doesnt get better then this. yet it did with everyday that goes by it just gets better and better. i dont want to lose him. no i cant lose him because i would then be completely lost and hopeless i wouldnt know what to do. he said that he has never cried that much ever.. he has only cried twice since he was like 6. ah and both those times were because of me. some how some way i didnt begin to cry. i could feel it starting to happen yanno the tear ducts filling up and the dizzyness of your head, eye blinking. yet i didnt i held it back because if i lost it then nothing would have got solved. so i waited until now and let the tears fall down my cheeks. as i write this feeling completely horrible and feeling like i didnt resolve this i still made him upset i still made him actually cry and there is nothing i can do to make this not true. i wish he would have said something at chris' but i understand why he didnt. he made me an elephant out of a dollar bill. i said thank you but didnt make it seem meaningful. oh but it was. i have never had someone think of me and say ill surprise her with something so simplistic and she will love it. and i did! like i told him i put it in my pocket and held it in my hand the entire time it didnt leave my grasp. as soon as i got home i put it on my computer screen and plan to show my mom.so if i seemed ungreatful im not its one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me. in a way im glad he cried because i never see emotion in him and then it just came so fast. i wasnt sure what to do or say and im sure there is a million things i should have done that will come to me later but truth is just laying there listening to him explain what i do that bothers him actually made me realize just how much i really do love him. just the uneasy feeling that i might lose him made me realize that i cant its impossible my life would fall apart. so im going to do my best and try hard to fix this and he will see that i love him with all my heart and nothing will ever change that. he said he loves the little things.. like holding hands and stuff. so do i. i love that when in public he makes everyone aware im with him. with hugs. kisses on the cheek. arms around me. everything. i love that if i look at him long enough he kisses me. i love that he tells me im so cute even when im doing nothing. i love that he gives the best hugs and after you cant help but smile. i love that he leaves little things to remind me of him like hearts with candy down to a sticky note with holes all in it from a saftey pin [= mostly i love everything about him. im so sorry that i hurt him and will do everything in my power to make it so he never cries again.

2003-11-12T16:28:00.000-08:00

it seems like all ive been doing latly is dreaming about katie. i cant get her out of my mind. its been so long since we have had some alone time. its eating me up inside. i would give anything right now just to have 3 hours alone with katie. i feel like its been over a month since we last had some alone time.......probably has been. i cant wait for her to get better so i can start to spend some quality football free afternoons with her. I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

2003-11-04T12:17:00.000-08:00

Dream:

As I fix the my collar in the mirror I started to sweat. I could hear my friends in the back gound whispering "he doesnt know how lucky he is." but i did know. ive known forever. soon as i fixed my collar a man we barely knew but we all called him father walked into the room and asked me if i was ready. i swallowed tring to calm my nerves and said "ive never been more ready in my life." He replyed "lets go then." so me and my buddies followed him down the hall. All of us were decked out in our best tuxsidos. the man we called father took us to this giant room with white lace and candles everywhere. the room was filled with people. i knew almost every person in the room. the minster a-lined me and my friends with me at the beging and them facing me from behind. the minster winked at me and said "we'll be starting shortly." "thank you father" i replyed. then all of sudden the music began. "dun dun du dun dun dun da dun..." the doors at the back of the room sprang open. and standing there there was the most beauiful woman in the whole world. she was accompanied by her father. the two strolled down the isle one step at a time. at the end of the isle her dad gave a kiss and sat down. i reached out my hand and she took it. i couldnt stop staring at her. all my nevers had dissappeared because i knew she was the one. she could tell i was just in awww with her apperance. the minister said a few words with some prayers. she and i made our vaules. then the minister asked me "Do you Chris take Katie to be your lawfully wedded wife. To love, and to charish, for sickness and helth, until death do you part?" I looked at her and said "I do." "and Katie Do you take Chris to be your lawfully wedded Husban. To love, and to charish, for sickness and helth, until death do you part?" without her eyes ever moving away from mine, she said with great confidence "I do." " I now pronouce you husban and wife, you may kiss the bride." We wraped our arms around each other and kissed like it was the first time. the croud cheered as we ran down the isle, people were blowing bubbles and yelling have fun you two and congradulations. we ran outside to our limo which rushed off to a romantic island in the bahammas where we spent our wonderful honeymoon.

Greatest Dream i think i have ever had.

2003-10-29T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today katie, my mom and i carved pumpkins for holloween. it was so fun. katie made a ghost with a star and a moon. my mom made this pig looking type face with cool ears. and i made a guy hanging from a tree. all three were very cool. adrian of corse turned to cooking instead of carving and roasted our pumpkin seeds. there not bad....shhh...ive had better. im eating them right now with a frown on my face. the frown isnt because the seeds arnt the best but because i might not see katie until saterday night. friday im going to be up in presscott for my football game and katie has her SAT on saterday morning. it would be nice to see her tomorrow. maybe we could watch friends together or something. there is one thing that i can look foward to tho and that would be bridge night this saterday. katie and i could chill over here and have our fun and then when were done we could go see a late showing of the chainsaw masscure with chris and brooke. .....ooo that sounds like a good idea!!

2003-10-26T20:46:00.000-08:00

homecoming was great. i know all of our plans were very shaky from the meal, to the driving, to the post homecoming fun. to me everything was perfect. katie looked amazing. the food was good and we had a bunch of laughs over dinner. "are u calling me fat?" lol. after dinner we took off a half hour early and went to my tickle "bumbs" and the to their tickle hill. after we got our thrills in we went to the dance. the dance was great. not only did everybody dance for once but there were famous people there too. like nepoleon and some sluty girl in an extremly short dress. there was a bahemath (sp?) there also. katie and i must have dance to almost every song except for a few. it was great. i love dancing with her. she tells me were going to a club here soon so that should be fun. we stayed all the way until the end of the dance. afterwards we headed to the movie theater to find out that it was closed so we headed to a park but on the way we pulled a wicked u-turn and headed to in-n-out burger. chris got a stiffy before i could even park when he saw a dodge viper chillin in the parking lot. we grab some grub and then headed to the frist park where we think we wittnessed a drug deal go down. so then we headed over to the other park for like 2 sec. and left there. we went back to katies house and said good-bye to chris and brooke. then katie and i hoped in the back seat and had some fun making my car messy with gliter. but it was all worth it. GOD she is so hot when she wants to be. then i headed home and could hardly sleep. its so hard to sleep when she gets me going. the next moring i brought her breakfast in bed with a kiss to wake her up. im sure she enjoyed that. then we watched a bunch of tv. i choose to try to go down on her knowing that in the past she had turned me away but this time she just let me keep going lower. eventually i got down there. then i went back for seconds again later. i think she enjoyed the second time around a little bit better. i know i did. i had a better angle. and that was the end to a perfect weekend.

i just wanted to post this so katie will never forget it:
AZredneck33: katie there isnt a thing in the world u could do ..or not do that would make me ever want to leave u. i know u still have that fear and im tring to get u to relize u dont need it anymore.
AZredneck33: if u went down on me it would not make me want to leave .....if anything i would make me stick around for more.....but thats not the reason i would stay around....i love you way to much to even think about leaving u
AZredneck33: i cant imagine a single day with out u being my girl
StryNiteGrl: i know i know and i dont need to realize that you arnt going anywhere i know your not. and thank you i love you for saying all of this.
AZredneck33: im not just saying it........im meaning it

2003-10-26T19:47:00.000-08:00

first i must say that yes the hug at saras was defetnaly a great one. nothing but a hug and i could feel the love [= it was nice. so thank you as well. i love the fact that he will help me babysit and i love to watch him around kids he is so wonderful i know he is going to make a great dad someday. ok moving on. friday was homecoming but afterwards chris and i watned to hang out. it wasnt too much fun chris hurt his sholder and if elt bad for making him drive but my car is messed up.. so we went to ross' then backt o his house to watch tv. for some reason i loved just watching tv. i was completely content and happy.i was really cold so chris let me cuddle with him so i could be warm [= greatest feeling in the world is being warmed by him[=. the saturday came homecoming.. he hung out with more like my mom while i got ready and did andreas hair.. then it was dinner at my house with brooke and chris.. it was alright iw ould have liked it to be better but im thinking everyone else enjoyed it, someday soon ill have to actually make dinner for chris [=..without chunky tomatoes.. then we went to tickle hill and his tickle..bumps. then to homecoming. i must say it was the greatest dance i went to. i know it wasbecause i had him to share the night with.we danced and talked and laughed and im pretty sure a smile never left my face. i got to introduce him to a lot of people.. im sure it didnt matter to him but it did to me, because they all hear so much about him but never get to meet him.after we atempted to go to a movie but it was no go so we went to the park and the other park and gave up ended up at in and out burger and my house then chris and i had a little fun in his car.. figured we better make use of his backseat someday right. sorry about getting glitter everywhere but we learned a good lesson skirts good [=. today i was awaken by a kiss. a wonderful kiss from chris who as amazing as he is brought me breakfast. we then just layed in bed all day watching movies and having fun. i have to explain something but first say that chris going down on me was one of the most amazing things ever. dont get me wrong that wasnt the first time for me but it was defentaly the best ever.he is truly amazing. i then told him that when we have more time i will return the favor or pleasure. ah and it all came back. i was reminded why i have never done that with him. fear. one of the most scaring things i remember is a while back i had a boyfriend and after we did that he left me that was it that was all he ever wanted from me and i really liked him. its stupid i know but i think what held me back was that once he went down on me then i had to do the same. but it all doesnt matter anymore. i prolly shouldnt have said anything about this but it just all came back today. and i doesnt matter anymore. ok im done. but thank you for a great weekend it was all beacuse of you and i love you

2003-10-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

Today I went down on Katie. It wasn't really that bad......Actually it was fun. I love hearing her moan with pleasure. I was guessing that it was going to taste bad or something but it really didn't have a taste at all, meaning I could go for a long time if I had too. IM defiantly planning on doing it again for her. And she tells me that shies planning on repaying the favor. Well all I can say after a weekend like this is that we need some extreme alone time soon or IM were both are going to explode.

2003-10-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

tonight katie gave me a hug in saras kitchen. it was a long tight hug. probably one of our best hugs ever. it was better then any hug ive recived from another person. i loved every second of it. it was deffently the best part of my day. i cant wait for the next one. thank you katie for being the best part of my day......best part of my life** i love you babe and once again thank you for always being there.

2003-10-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

well i havent wrote about our weekend but chris worded it better then i could so ill just leave it at that [=. yesterday consisted of going to chris where i tried to watch super troopers but i just couldnt i cant stand that type of comedy i feel bad but i dont see any point in watching it i know he wanted me to but none the less he and i watched gilmore girls. then other shows. um today i went over and he offered to watch a walk to remember. ah an old time favorite [= reminds me of when ashlee and i use to always watch it. but i loved the fact that even tho i didnt watch all of his movie we still watched it. even tho im sure it would rather we didnt he still sat through it. one of the millions of reasons i love him. saturday is homecoming. im more excited about the actual dance then anything. its my final one for high school i hope its really fun. im goin full out blue to our game. gotta show school spirt lol aw man. well i dont really ahve anything else to say but i said id write so there [= i love you good night!

2003-10-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

katie and i just had one of the greatest weekends we've had. it started off by hanging out after my football game. we raced to wendys, then headed over to barros pizza to hang out with my friends. everyone just kind of got up and left with out waring so we were like the last ones there. so we left and headed to my dads house. we snuck into my bed room and watch some saternight fever during our breaks from having midnight fun.
Saterday we went to breakfast with katies mom. it was good stuff. later we went to tempee town lake and i got a work out pushing her up in the down the hills. i loved every sec of it. the heat was bad but we were able to live with it. After that i showed her where were going to see Alkaline Trio next month at the marquee theater. we went back to her house and played shoots and ladders. later we picked up kyle and went to alace coppers nightmare. it wasnt all i was hoping for unfortunitly. but it made katie hold me tight ....and i love that. later we went back to my house and watched tv with my dad for like 5 sec. then he went to sleep. we kept watching tv until it got boring .....then we just kept it on but payed no attention to it. =) later we went back into my room to finish what we were doing because it would have been a little uncomfortable in the living room. this weekend would have been a great weekend for some incredable sex but we just couldnt find an empty house......damn parents.
Sunday katie and i went to the zoo. which was very very fun. we got to see elepahants and other animals. a lot of them were out and about which was cool. unfortunitly my favorite animal at the phx zoo was gone. no rinos =( later we went to my dads for dinner which was good stuff. katie got her left overs and i got a satisfiyed girlfriend. And thus ends a great weekend .....thank you babe for everything.

2003-10-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you Katie for the wonderful day yesterday. You deffently brightened up my day after my horrable trip to the dentist. Im glad we got to play shoots and ladders, it was fun, even though it was the first time ive ever lost that game. Thank you for letting me tag along with you and brooke and chris later in the day. that was fun. I cant wait to see you on friday! I love you so much!!!!!

2003-10-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

As you walked into my life you showed me what needed to be shown
I dont really have anything to write but we havnt had an entry in awhile. so ill write about umm. chris and i just celebrated 7 months. i thought for a while there that it seemed like so much longer but it really doesnt i feel like 7 months. longest relationship ive been in and maybe thats why it felt like longer.i have this week off and chris doesnt =\ we never have breaks at the same time. beside winter break i guess. anyways we went to breakfast and exchanged gifts.. then we went to school later i went to the freshmen game with him where we just hung out and talked. then went to dinner with his mom and step dad [ happy birthday to him BTW] and it was really fun up until chris and his mom started fighting. i love going with them places i feel loved when we all go out but not when they fight. its not one persons fault its both of them and it just makes me want to go home. anyways i just got back from california so chris came over so i could give him his gift and we walked max [= aw i love my puppy i missed em'! well im off to get my tire fixed. =\

2003-10-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Katie and I had some after school fun today. It was great. shes still a little tight so its hard to get it in sometimes but once I did get it in .....Wow that made a difference for me. IM sure it just made it more painfull for her but that will stop eventually and begin to feel good. Once that starts then were really going to have to have an all nighter!
I LOVE YOU KATIE ... THANKS FOR THE INCREDIBLE DAY!!

Priceless convo.

2003-10-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

so on the plane my mom and i started to talk about sex. and now since its been like a month i kinda forget what was said but all i remember is my mom saying i know your at that age where everyone is having sex. and ya know there is options yadda yadda yadda.. and she said i had sex at 15 and liked it a lot so id ont remember the rest but it was funny how she just flat out said yeah i know your at the age that you have sex and i told her i hadnt and that i wouldnt unless i erally wanted or something like that.

Today was a ok day. normal. denise got her hair cut just like me i dont see why she always has to dress and look like me =\ it bugs me a lot becuase i like to be different. anyways chris came over and we had fun.. well we had sex. and it was fun. im not going to lie it hurt a little but after the first few times it gets better. it was well worth it then we went to pick up my ring in witch resulted in me picking out all the jewrly i love and admire.. and shopping a little.. um what else we went to TGI fridays [= yeah yum. that was great our waiter was fun stuff lol .

2003-10-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

yesterday katie met my grandparents =) they think shes "the cutest little thing" (alabama actcent). well tonight i get to play football in front of them for the very first time. i hope i put on a show for them. after the game katie and i our probably going to go to Uncle Sams. then tomorrow we might go to a drive in movie which would be so bad ass. and the next day were all walking in the diabeaties walk which should be fun. (and hot)! then next wednseday is katie and i 7th Month anaversary!!! were going to go eat breakfast together. YUMMM!!

last night katie showed me these cute little underware things her mom bought for her. well all i can say is that were defintly going to have to put that use. =)

2003-10-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

well yesterday i missed chris alll day and i was bummbed cause it would be a few days before i would get to see him. well he came over which made my day! we hung out and walked my dog. i loved walking with him just holding his hand and talking. i think we should do that more often with max or with out max it was great. im glad that so many people liked my skirt cause i never wear it cause i think no one would like it well they did haha anyways thanks for coming over and thanks for making me soo happy!

2003-10-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

i went to katies house last night. oh man did she look scrumsious. i just wanted to take her right then and there. im tellin u skirts drive me crazy. and after being in such an erotic mood the entire day, seeing her just made me want to rip off her clothes and make her a new woman. then thinking about picking her up and putting her on a pool table ....OH MY GOD.... that would be so much fun. and now im going to have to go the rest of the day with these thoughts in my head. hopefully she will to =) aaaa were both screwed from learning........phsss who cares with thoughts like these.

2003-09-29T19:58:00.000-07:00

i had so much fun this weekend. i ended up forgeting that we missed out on friday. i think the highlight of this weekend was when that old lady talked to us at creat and barrel. that made my day so much. i know in 50 years youll be saying the same thing to some young little couple about us.
you want to know something funny. well u know how i told u about how a lot of the other football players were having there girl friends over like we were going to do. well brandon did and he was soar like me and just egnored it. ...... bad move! while they were having sex he got a charlie horse in the back of his thigh. he said he was all screaming and she was all like " are u alright?!?!?" lol it was so funny when he was telling us this story at lunch.
but yea this weekend was incredable except for not being able to see u on friday. i loved every sec. of it. i cant wait for u to meet my grandparents. ur going to love them. speacaly my granddad. hes so funny and hes the sweetest person in the world. dont be suprise if he gives u a hug or puts his arm around u.

2003-09-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

i must say this weekend was a lot of fun. even though friday never happened its ok because im sure it will be an option again. and if not its only the rest of this year then it doesnt matter. saturday chris and i ran errends for andreas birthday getting stuff for her cake and scanning pics and such. then we hung out here and ate captin crunch cause i forgot how good it is. [= and your supose to take that home cause ill never eat it all here! and then we went to andreas and even though there wasnt a lot of people there i had fun [= the movie was cute. sunday we went to breakfast with my mom and brother and thent o the book store where chris picked out a book [=!!! even though i didnt pick it cause i couldnt have picked one anyways he found a book to read ah.. im just excited that he is reading it on free will! and we went to crate and barrel i like that store and next time i go ill leave chris home cause that way he wont be bored cause me and my mom look at everything. then we went to my house and asked "IF" questions for a long time i love that book its great stuff. then we had a little fun until denise called and we went to his dads for dinner and his dad let me borrow another book! [= then we went home. i must say this was a really fun weekend thank you and i love you.

2003-09-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

you have to understand something. i dont get along very good with girls there are very few that are my friends and the rest are guys its just how i am my personality fits better with guys and i dont want you to ever have the need to be jellious! ever! i understand where you wouldnt want to read it but its still my journal to write in. i will tell you not to read it but i wont not write what i want. please dont be jellious of him because he has nothing on you. you are perfect and the only person i would ever need in my life. you have to understand that he is my best friend and has been for years he knows all my downfalls and stupid moments all my flaws and achievements he knows me more then anyone in this world will ever know he is a friend although we use to date we are only friends and will only be friends forever so please dont be jellious i love you and only you. i said love you to eric in a friend way ONLY! i said I LOVE YOU to you because i do and no one else. there is a reason as to why i dont want to hear stuff from brooke and id rather not say. i dont care if you send me stuff from other people just not from her or denise for reasons i dont feel like saying unless you really want ot know. but i jsut reallyw anted to say was dont be jellious becuase i love you so much and i dont want to make you jellious for any reason.

2003-09-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hey babe about ur journal tonight, please don't type stuff about how u spent the day in erics bed " there we ate peach rings and it was just like old times laying in his bed". I know u guys didn't do anything but still, its just kind of disturbing for me. u know like how the other day Brooke said nice ass to me and u didn't want to see that. Same thing goes here. i have to admit sometimes im jelous of him so please dont make me more.

2003-09-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

hey football may start early but it gets out early too. leaving 3-4 hours to hang out afterwards.

2003-09-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

i had a really bad day and just as i wrote in my journal i wanted to be asked why i had a bad day not why i acted upset or snotty, if it had to do with you. im sure that is your main concern is if you had something to do with it. well for once i wish you wouldnt ask if it was you because if you know you didnt do anything wrong and we havnt even talked today you have to know it wasnt you. i am allowed to be upset and not want to talk yet i get phone calls and messages left on my sn. i just want to talk to someone face to face to be ok to cry infront of them and have them listin and hug me no questions or Advice. since i couldnt i am sitting in my room working on homework because im failing school. i guess i wont see you weekdays anymore because football now starts early so i will see you well i dont really know. im still doubting friday sat i have plans sunday i have plans. hm oh well.

2003-09-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

i love the new lay out babe. u did a great job.

Love is a never ending feeling.

2003-09-21T14:15:00.000-07:00

i Made this new layout it was pretty easy but i like it alot.it only took about 21/2 hours. only thing is i cannot get comments to work im dumb but i am gonna try and get them from ashlee she is good at it. well anyways let me know what you think.

2003-09-21T00:54:00.000-07:00

Today I hung out with Katie for around 12 hours and that still wasn't enough time. I showed up at her house at around 12, we hung out for like 15 mins. Then we went panda express and got some food. I don't know what was going on but someone kept poking Katie. And her fortune cookie called her a hooker (in a matter of speaking). Then we went to go see the movie Matchstick Men which was a little dry until the end. After the movie we went to my aunts to feed the puppies. We came home and the right back out again for some DQ and back to her house to watch the movie It which we got board with and ended up putting on kindergarten Cop. "Who is you daddy, and what dose he do?" we played a game of candy land which wasn't up to what I was expecting and I really wanted Katie to win but its a game of chance and I ended up winning in the end. After all that we ended up chillin in her room until it was time to say goodbye. =( I hate good byes...I cant wait until we don't have to worry about saying them, because we wont have to say them. At some point during the evening Katie and I hung out with her dad and don and talked about space non-since.
One of my favorite parts of the day: Being the mysterious poker at Panda Express.
Favorite part of the day: every time I got to cuddle with Katie.
Least Favorite part of the day: when her front door closed at the end of the night and she was out of my sight.

it simply all cant fit

2003-09-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

while cleaning i remembered i needed to put my sentiments into my box. it quickly became way to full. so i had to put it all in a bigger box. it gave me a chance to look through it all
My Box Contains..
1)a picture of my daisy flowers
2) pictures of roses from you
3) the directions to the spaghetti factory and theater
4) program from StOMP
5) prom plan book
6) tinsil from the corsage box
7) tissue paper from my prom gift bad
8) dumb and dumberer movie stub
9) finding nemo movie stub
10) C&C pass
11) identity movie ticket
12) a pile of sticky notes with clues
13) a dairy queen straw wrapper and napkin
14) card from the roses you sent while in MAss
15) Letter from MAss
16) dbacks tour ticket
17) dback game ticket
18) stomp ticket
19) Jesters program
20) a rock from slide rock
21) mint from old spaghetti factory
22) 2 hersey kisses from prom invite
23) card from prom invite
24) card to flowers when i was sick
25) panda express ticket from after seeing idenity
26) slide rock map
27) 42 rose petals

thank you for all of theses memories i cant wait to fill the box.

2003-09-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

I had loved every second that i spent with you today. I had the swear my heart skiped a beat when you agreed with me that we should use condom. i dont know if u could feel it but i was actually shaking when i was putting it on. the type of shaking you do when your extremely excited and your just so happy u cant control it. as we were making love i wasnt thinking that i was losing my verginity but that i was gaining a closer relationship with u. i know that you have always said that you trust me but i always thought u were just saying that to be nice. but now i know that you mean it. i know u wouldnt have done what u did today if u didnt completely trust me 100%. i feel like our relationship has a new incredable bond. i feel closer to you then ever before. i remeber what you said about ur thoughts on sex when we first started dating. "when we start having sex i dont want it to turn in to an everyday thing" i totally agree with you on that. i think we should save it for speacial times and for when were just in the mood such as today. today was a giant step in our relationship and we still have many to go. examples: college, buying a home, marrage, kids etc. i cant wait to take them all one step at at time with you. I LOVE YOU KATIE AND IM NEVER GOING TO LET YOU GO!!!

hm interesting day

2003-09-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

i agree with you on what you said. i wasnt planning on it, so thast why we ran out of time. i am not going ot just plan a time where we are going to yeanno not to be difficult but i told you when i was ready i would know it and it felt right but say we have like 5 hours it doesnt meen i am going to want to yanno? but today was pretty fun i liked that as serious as it was we still laughed and did stupid stuff. sorry it was intament it wasnt planed now i feel horrible.. =\ and honestly i dont like the hotel idea plus in order to have any room you have to have a credit card. um i guess i dont really have anything else to say.

2003-09-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

I was so not expecting the most amazing thing to happend today but it did. Katie and i took the first step to actually having sex. i guess in a matter of thinking we did have sex but to me it dosent count 100% until one of us has an orgasm. plus i think we need to make it a little bit more intament then doing it within an hour after school. i dont regret it at all. i loved every second of it, and i wouldnt change it for anything in the world. but next time we decide to do that we need to make sure we have enough time. if we ever do, do that hotel thing that would deffently provide enough time ;) i love you babe. and i cant wait to spend another romantic day with u.

2003-09-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

thanks for talking with me on the phone even tho i was tired and didnt feel good i loved every minute of it. we should do that more often. i love you have a good day.

2003-09-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

its ok that you watched football its just when you said in the car we would have an hour to spend together before brooke and chris came over i took that as an hour to spend with me. i dont need money or to go out as long as im with you thats all i wanted. i love when we just sit and talk and have fun and laugh. but that didnt happen. and that is why i was upset. also we werent doing anything else because you were watching football.
ill say it agian i didnt have anything to do with brooke and chris actions. all i said was that you were in the room watching football and that they would hafta get your attention and that you didnt know they were here. [even if you did i wasnt sure]. i should have come in the earlier to make sure you were ok and wernt mad but brooke said you were fine and watching tv and just kiddinly said why are you guys making fun of me. i dont recall them making fun but im sure they did. they are just like that. but im sorry i made you mad however i did.i almost cried when i came in and you were so mad i didnt understand why but i guess i can now.im use to being teased and made fun of they do that all the time but i guess i have never seen you mad its always online or on the phone or something never like that and i felt like there was nothing i could do. sorry the trip is so expensice other wish i would love to go with you that would be fun. ok on to good things. sunday was a lotta fun we played mario [= i am secretly addcited to that game even tho i kinda suck lol and today was great to i loved your face when you opened the door and i was there. only down fall when parents return home [=

2003-09-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

hey im really sorry about watching football all day on sat. we wernt doing anything else and it was on so i watched. u could have said let go do something and i would have turned it off in a heart beat. i didnt like any of the teams that were playing anyways. so do think i was doing it to ignore you or anything. i would have come out soon as chirs and brooke came over but the first thing they did was throw shit at me and make fun of me so i wasnt in the happest mood. and the only reason i was mad at you was because brooke told me that u told her to do it. i felt really bad about being mad at you after you told me u had nothing to do with it. i still enjoyed the entire day. and i LOVE every second i get to spend with you. i promise once your foot gets better and i get a job so i can afford to take us out we will have an extrodanary amount of fun. i already have fun with what we do now so when that time comes it will be just that much better. i just got brouchure today on the Invation trip. i would really like it if you could come with me. the only problem is that its expensive. the trip is $500 + food and snowboard rental.

2003-09-11T22:28:00.000-07:00

Just one of the reason i know im in love with you:

After every night i spend chilling with you, as im getting into bed all i can think about is how much i want more then anything in the world is to be able to turn off my light roll into bed and then have u layed down next to me, put my arm around u, give u a goodnight kiss and then we both just fall asleep. i dont have an Al i can fall asleep with every night so all i can do is wait and dream until i get to go to sleep with u in my arms. One day katie that will be an every night thing. and i look forward to it every single day.

2003-09-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

Aww....Memories.

“Sweetest Things”

I never knew it could be like this
but I always hoped it would be
from the first day I saw you
I knew you’d complete me.

Your presence makes me smile
every time is fun with you
I’ve never felt this way before
I see everything in you.

No matter how much time goes by
it feels like every day’s the start
I still get butterflies in my stomach
I feel pounding in my heart.

God, the feeling you give me
I hope it never goes away
I’ll never let you go
I need you near me every day.

Every night I lay in bed
and replay the fist time we kissed
the most perfect lips had touched me
it was everything I wished.

Someone- please pinch me now
you’re just too good to be true
I hope all I’m feeling
is the way you feel too.

The sweetest things I’ve ever known
are the things you say to me
when I think about forever
you and I is what I see.

~ Love Chris

2003-09-07T02:03:00.000-07:00

Missing you make me want to hold my breath until u get back.
Mising you makes me want to sleep the entire time your gone so the time will pass that much quicker.
Missing you makes me want to hit the fast foward button on life an then hit the slow button onec u have returned
Missing you makes my heart ache bacause of your absence in my life
Missing you shows me just how much i love you with a maganafine glass
each little thing that i love about u sticks out more because its all i can think about
ur smile
ur words
ur kisses
ur hugs
ur love
ur attatude on life
ur turst
ur love for books and van gough art
ur phone calls
ur late night convos with me
ur outragioulsy good looks
ur feelings for me
I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO COME HOME SO I CAN STOP MISSING ALL THESE THINGS AND START LIVEING THEM!

TO you

2003-09-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

I miss your voice
I miss your smile
I miss the way you can take away my pain with a hug
I miss the way you make me laugh
I miss your laugh
I miss the way you look at me
I miss seeing you all the time
I miss the times we have spent together
I miss randomly seeing you
I miss your advice
I miss looking at my phone to see your name and number
I miss the fun times
I miss the hard times
I miss the sad times
I miss that feeling right before I saw you
I miss the memories
I miss the trust
I miss that feeling I get when I am around you
I miss the way we laugh at nothing
I miss how easy everything is
I miss you making fun of me
I miss being able to talk to you whenever and where ever
I miss the nights with you
I miss the inside jokes
I miss the times when it was ok to be afraid
I miss the times when it was ok to cry
I miss the hugs and kisses
I miss you
I miss the movies [ the abc game]
I miss your familiar face
I miss the way things used to be
I miss all times when I knew what to say
I miss when there was more to do on the weekend
I miss the late night before sleep talks
I miss the plans we made for the future
I miss laying with you
I miss hugging you and watching the thunder and lightening storm
I miss your touch
i miss you...

I MISS MY KATIE!!!

2003-09-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I decided to start working on my art work for katie. i thought it was going to take me longer but i already have one done. i bet she will like all of them how ever many that is that i do. i cant wait for her to come back. i miss her so much!! i think when she gets back we should go to Encanto Park Boat rentals. i so still want to do that. i hope her foot is better by the time she gets back. i really want to spend some quality time with her. just her and me. like going rollarblading at tempe town lake or the boat rental thing. i would love to take her out to diner. i dont even care where. we could go anywhere from basis to wendys. as long as im eating with her. she get home in 6 days including today. i hope she is having fun in Mich. I know its probably hard to do with her hurt foot but im sure she can find things to do that dont envolve her having to walk much.

An american night

2003-09-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

Today i went over to katies house and we played some pokemon snap somemore ..... im addicted =). Then we went out to eat at Claim Jumpers which was really good and im now just remebering that i forgot my sandwhich in katies fridge. =( i could of had that for breakfast. Then we went to go see American Wedding which i thought was ok....i didnt like it as much as i liked the other ones though. Then we came home and played some rock hard nintendo. =). i have never had that much fun playing nintendo in my life. i could only imange what it would have been like with out the parents there. katie wouldnt have been able to jump into the pics. well i hope i entertained her as much as she did me this holiday weekend. even with her bummed foot we still had some MAJOR fun. i cant wait for her to get back from her trip.....i miss her already!!

ending to the day

2003-09-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

i had a pretty good day. chris and i hung out after i attempted to shop.. eh didnt work so hot.. well then we went to scan pictures but OH darn i forgot the PIcs. so we had fun. and it was great. just like old times... a little to much like old times. you said you wouldnt ask anymore. you said you wouldnt pressure me. you asked and i said no just like always. =\ please stop. i just wanted to have a fun afternoon and i did but i knew you would ask one of the questions. we came back here and played nintendo... eh its was ok. the game hates me and him.. and i ganged up on him.. dont think he liked that but i was only kidding. tomorrow is dinner and a movie [= im excited

Change The LayOut

2003-08-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

oo and i plan on changing our journal layout becuase im mad that this one stopped working like remembe the swirll that went down the page.. it isnt there anymore and the side bar is messed up so i think im gonna change it.

2003-08-30T23:05:00.000-07:00

um i woke up early today by my mom which didnt make me happy.. came home after ortho slept till chris called. no i woke up once to eric. we talked for a little while made my day. then chris came over and we watched the little mermaid. i forgot that i love that movie. ah back when disney knew how to make movies. hum then we just hung out played nintendo i made food.. um then we watched tv. i think my mom scared me when she called me into her room after we had some fun.. haha. and my dad kinda scared me but not really. he is kinda oblivious to things anyways. i dont have anything to say or write but i had a lot of fun today your so amazing thank you for spending the day with me. [= i love you.

2003-08-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

Well this moring started off with me reading that katie is grounded this whole weekend =( which is never good. Then i helped my dad move his car display. Then i finaly got a hold of katie to tell her i was on my way after taking a shower. I went over there and watched matt and sara play a little on the N64. then katie kicked them out so we could watch THE LITTLE MIRMAID. it was so cool. i was thinking about my fav. song from that movie and the lyrics it has they say " down under water, down where its hotter, under the sea." Well isnt it colder under the sea? anyway i really love that movie..and um yeah im going to have to say it ..arial (or how ever u spell her name) is one hot chick on land. something about red heads just drive me crazy! after the movie i played some Pokeman Snap, then katie made us some Chesse Crisp =) yummm which i am now realizing that other then the blizzered thats all i had to eat today.....and im still not even hungry...humm. after we ate katie joined me in Poke. Snap....i personaly think i whooped her ass. =) even though its not really a competative game. after that we just laid around watching tv and talking. then later we went out to DQ where i gave katie a piggy back ride. i just want her to know she can straddle me anytime she wants =) ...im always here for her. then we went back to her house and watch some more tv ....and had a little fun =) ......i was so scard when her dad almose talked in on us ........wheew that was close. then i gave katie a kiss goodnight and said i love and when home. the end.

2003-08-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

WOW. what can i say....other then katie is simply amazing!! I went over to her house today before football practice and we had some fun. it was incredable! the whole time i was completly turned on. i wanted to rip off her clothes right there on the spot and make her a new woman. but i resisted. it was hard. very hard. then she stared striping and that pushed me over the edge. so i grabed her but then i told myself no man...no....wait for the right time. but yeah i wanted her SO BAD today its not even funny. from now on i think when i get there i should have the right to play with the air conditioner, because we make it hotttt. i mean i was so hot afterwards that i was steaming up my sun glasses outside in the arizona heat. i dont know how close i am to ever giving her an orgasm but shes real close sometimes with me. i hope im just as close with her if not there. i have to admit is not all that comfortalbe wearing blue jean pants but it sure is worth every sec. of it. the thing i love most when were having fun like that is when were both swaying perfectly and were both staring into each others eyes.
I LOVE YOU KATIE .....I CANT WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY AND SATERDAY!!

2003-08-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

please dont ever delete what u wrote. u got mad at me for deleting what i said once. same thing here.

i think i miss read ur thing tonight or maybe it was a typo or something i dont know. but i took it as u saying u love how things are right now and u dont want to go back to being bf and gf. thats why i was upset. but then i said that i wanted to go back to being bf and gf and that u had differnt opinion on that. but then u said "well if u read what i wrote i said i wanted the same." so i went to go look if i miss read it and u had already deleted it so i dont know. so please dont change ur opioin that u wanted the same because i think i just miss understood what u were saying.

Have u ever notice that we never fight in person. i think its because we can understand one another better. like through expressions on our faces or the way we act. online we strip all of that away from us. were just words in mono tone. but the problem is, is that we put a tone behind those words. useally the wrong one. we make it worse by not being able to express how we say it. so im willing if u are to stop talking so much online and more on the phone at night. i bet those miss understood fight would drop dramaticly.

Katie i want things to go back to how they were before we fought, before we stop being bf and gf. i want to go back to where all we did was love each other and have fun. i miss those days where we use to have i love u more fights. those were good fights. now i feel that if i say i love u more u wont fight back, and that kills me. i want to be able to walk up to one of my friends and intorduce u to them as my girlfriend katie. please tell me that i will be able to do that again one of these days. u have no clue how much i want to.

~i love you more!

2003-08-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

be strong hold on
Sorry i wrote what i did.

tonight was a lot of fun after a stupid day of pretty much sleeping from the night before i got ready and went to chris' where we watched Rocket Power and his step dad made fun of us ]= not cool and then went swimming... there we or at least i had a really awesome talk with his mom about majors and she said the best thing that pretty much at this point i or anyone can be anything.. so the fact that i decidedt o switch my major i know i can still do it. then we had a fancy dinner with was SOOO Good it made me sad becuase iw ish my family at together.. i wish my mom cooked. i wish we had a really pretty tabel to sit at with candles and such. none the less i loved it and felt loved eating with them while adrian talked about his expertice on food. i just laughed becuase he is such the wanna be chef its great [= then we went and rented final destination 2.. we have to watch the first one becuase it is better but i liked the second one. thanks for watching it with me. well i am really tired have still have homework so i am gonna stop writing for now. sorry i never update. i love you

2003-08-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i saw the most beautiful woman in the world. she just came to my door and kissed me. i dont know how to explain it but it was great.

so yeah katie came over to my house yesterday and we chilled until i had to go to my football game. which we won 36-12. this team we played look so big like they were just going to whoop our ass. no no no....much differnt story. we fucked them up and it was great. i played pretty well and i think it was because i saw katie. i always do better in football when im happy and seeing her made me happer then ever. Katie has informed me that i will finaly get to meet grandma. in a way i have to thank this woman because if it wernt for her katie wouldnt be here. so like meeting grandma for me is like meeting the all mighty. i only wish i can please her presents. this is a big step for me. ive never been introduce to a grandma.....of a girl i love.

2003-08-20T00:10:00.000-07:00

Katie and i played pool last nigth and tonight. It was great. I love spending time with her no matter how i spend it. I only wish she loved it as much as i do. i know she has lost some love for me. i can read it in her journal and other peoples. i dont know what i did to lose her love; maybe i wasnt sensitive enough. or maybe i was just to physical; i dont know. my love for her hit the celling and never came down; probably never will. i wish she would tell me if there is still a chance for me to be her boyfriend again. i still trust her with the absolute most trust. i just want to know where i stand with her. If she dose still love me and wants to grow that deep love she once had for me again i want her to tell me. i know if she gave me another chance i would feed that love and never let it die; just make it stronger.

2003-08-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

So ends a great weekend.

Friday:
Katie and I went out to eat at basis OUR favorite place to eat together. and we took our desert home with up because we were late going to a movie. we went to go see Freddy Vs Jason with ross ashlee and david. luckly the movie was better then i thought. i thought it was going to be blood blood and more blood but it was blood blood and some naked girls. lol katie was exposed to porn! i give the movie a 1 star. i was thinking it was going to be a -3 star movie but hey. Then we had to drop everybody off so we didnt get to go chill in the spa. but thats ok we can do that anyday.

Sat:
I went over to katies around noonish so we could finish our desert from basis. god i love that cake. and sharing it with her just makes it about 1000 times better. i dont think i could ever eat that desert with anyone else. then later we went out with chris and brooke. we went to TFI Fridays where i got my useall chicken strips and katie got her oragne chicken. chris and brooke had there desserts. we saw the tumor balloon which katie and brooke found histarical while chris and i tried to figure out what the hell it was. it ended up being a bunny. =( i wanted a tumorus bunny but he never came to us. after diner we all went to the Arizona Center which was so cool....once we found it. every one was scared they were going to get shot but not me ....."i was looking forward to my first shooting". first we went to a sports store where i looked at hats and katie said that she liked a certin one and she thought i didnt but i did. i mean it wasnt my first choice but i did like it. i was just lookking at the other hats and thats why i didnt say anything. then we went to go look at these frog fountains which were really cool. then the best part of my weekend happend. katie and i played in the water. it was so fun. we splashed, we laughed, we kissed, we kicked each other and the fun was done lol. then we went and put our feet in the pond. "hey all the rocks are glued down". lol. then we made footprints which was cool to see how our feet compare. and we tried to make smilies and hearts with our toes. after water fun we sat on some benches and chated. then we all went and played in the grass. after showing off our gymnastic moves we went to cold stone to get a smoothie. then we went home and droped everybody off. we didnt get to go chill in the spa but we did have some fun! we went and feed the doggies at somones house. after she took care of the dogs we had a half an hour to spend. and we couldnt go home so we had a little after date fun. i have to say katie is the most amazing girl i have ever kissed. just the way she kisses is increadble. after we got off the couch and on the floor things got pretty intense. i didnt think katie wanted to do that stuff anymore but she didnt stop she just kissed back. i dont know but to me it seems like things are getting better between us. i wish she would take me back as her boyfriend but if she wants to keep it the way it is for now then i guess that what she wants and im not going to deny her of that. i love her and all i want is for her to be happy.

Sun:

i went over to katies for like 45 mins today and we chilled and put away food from the store. later she came over to my house for a few hours and we chilled in my room while i put together my computer and then we went outside to watch the little kiddies play in the water. they are so cute. i love kids. maybe i should be a teacher? well katie went home to eat diner talk online. i probalby wont be able to see her for a week but im going to call her everyday after school and talk to her online.

2003-08-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

thank you.

2003-08-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

i love what u did with our title with the smiles!

2003-08-17T19:42:00.000-07:00

Pshfsthf i guess no one understands what im doing!

2003-08-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

staying up all night to write a love song.. for noone.~ John Mayer

so my weekend had to be one of the very best ones minus today which i wasnt in a greatest mood and my mom had turned total bitch. so friday was a great night chris took me to dinner at my favorite place [= and we talked and laughed over diner then we went to a movie with ashlee david and ross.. which i personally had fun with ashlee and ross they are always so great to go to movies with. something seemed wrong with chris either he was mad or really didnt want to be there.. which im guessing was it. then again im kinda bad at guessing things. well then we went home... yeah so yesterday consisted of chris coming over and we shared "our" desert. and hung out and then i went to a birthday party and returned home. Chris Chris Brooke and I went to TGI FRIDAYS for dinner where i had fun even though there were some uncalled for remarks directed to me i just blew them off. brooke and i had fun laughing at least. nothing is wrong with laughing its healthy for you. so then we went to the arizona center and i didnt realize how pretty it is at night. there chris and i got in a water fight which i loved it was great... we did a bunch of stuff i loved like played in the pond and put our foot prints all over the wall. layed in the grass. sat on the bench. shared a smoothe. the littlest things make the biggest difference to me. and i only cherish the sweetest things and i will defentaly cherish that night forever. and then today.. today.. chris came over for a little bit and we just hung out and talked and then later i went to his house for a few hours... which i have been informed i cant really do at all until this gas problem gets fixed. but i guess thats ok. best weekend.. but now im complicating myself. i dont know what im doing. [dont ask me].

2003-08-16T01:49:00.000-07:00

"In my words"

I find it hard to put togther word at times around katie. She makes me so excitedly nervous as if I was in the presents of a goddess. Just her smile alone can give me the butterflys. I have never felt this way around anyone. Every second im with her its like im on a thrill ride. A thrill ride that i never want to get off. Of corse just like all thrill ride we have our ups and downs but thats what makes it interesting. If it just went strait then it would be boring and i cant have that. Katie is the best thing that has EVER happend to me. Shes there for me when i need her the most, and shes there when i just want her the most. I knew from the moment i saw her first that I was physicly attracted to her. Her looks were amazing. Then i started to talk to her and thats when i knew that i had to have her to call her MY KATIE! She is incredably funny, very smart and has a personallity that now one could dislike. It seems no matter what, she just keeps getting better and better on all aspects. Weather its a new hair-due or the way she says hello. You can talk to any of my friends and they will tell you how much I love her. I have never brag about someone im dating until i started dating her. If im having an extremly bad day and everything is going wrong all i have to do is think about her and all my bad thoughts dissapear. If i see her on one of those bad days its as if the other things dont even exsist. For example gas in the car. One of the things i love most about her is that shes willing to do anything. Shes willing to rub her cold feet on my back to cool down my sunburn. She willing to spend the night with me in a van so i wouldnt have to spend the night alone. I love how she always collects things that we do together so that she can show our kids one day. This is something from one of my other writings about katie." I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I EVER COMPLETLY LOST HER. I LOVE HER MORE THEN I HAVE EVER LOVED ANYONE IN MY LIFE. SHES IN MY MIND 110% OF THE DAY. AS I GO TO BED IM THINKING ABOUT HER. I AM ALWAYS INTERUPED IN A DREAM ABOUT HER AS MY ALARM CLOCK GOES OFF. NOT A MOMENT GOES BY WHERE SHE ISNT IN MY MIND. I LOVE HER AND I WOULD NEVER HURT HER. I WOULD ONLY BE SO LUCKY TO GROW OLD WITH HER AND MARRY HER." I can honestly, deeply, truthfully say that I LOVE HER and i dont think that anything will ever change that.

2003-08-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

i have al ot to say but i just made plans with ashlee so i haveta shower and get ready so i will only write a few things and finish tonight or something.... well i wish you wouldnt have edited that previous entry even though i read what you wrote and i remember what you said i wish you wouldnt feel the need to edit it becuase your feelings and idead emotions mean the world to me and i want to know what you are thinking and its never wrong to say them or share them i might not like them but i want to know them so next time dont feel like you havet o change it just leave it. cause i am responding to it now anways. i dont know why i do the things i do i dont know why i am me but i am and i have no real reasons for it all. you asked why i was feeling how iw as the other day well truth be told i have no idea why i get sad. and you do nothing at alll to make me sad you do nothing wrong so dont think that you do cause you dont. i just get sad when i have to say good bye to you or when we have this awakward silence.. you may not notice it but i do. i dont know why i get sad but i do and i dont know what else to say about that. [read my journal about the rain ok] [=
i have to go shower but thats a little of what i ahve to say.expect i love you so much.

2003-08-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

today i went over to katies =) we chilled in her room looking up at her celling tring to find figures in her popcorn. it was fun. after a few hours of chillin in her room we went out side to look at what we assume to be mars and ufos...lol...we tried to use my dads teloscope but it didnt work to well. then we just chilled in the back of her dads truck which is comfy. i know if he ever takes us camping where im sleeping. i had so much fun tonight i cant wait to chill with her again!! I LOVE HER!

2003-08-12T00:42:00.000-07:00

I don't want to miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you are far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
Where a moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

(Chorus)
I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I miss you baby, And I don't want to miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do,
I still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating,
And I wondering what you are dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you are seeing,
Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together,
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever and forever forever

(Chorus)

And I don't want to miss one smile,
I don't want to miss one kiss,
I just want to be with you right here with you,
Just like this, I just want to hold you close,
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment,
For all of the rest of time

2003-08-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

One More Day

Warm sunshine on my face
I hear the crashing of the waves
I really came here to hide
To try and escape the pain inside

But the tears roll down
Swore I'd never come to this
Yeah the tears roll down
Swore I'd never come to this

I swear I've made up my mind
I'll take you back just one more time
Oh no, you've hurt me again
You said that you would change again my friend

Swore I'd never come to this
One more day I could have missed
The warm sunshine on my face
Can you hear the crashing of the waves

2003-08-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

just so you know the title change was un nessacary and made me cry because all your doing is makeing me more upset and makeing me feel guilty! that not mending anything its only ripping the tear.

2003-08-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

THE SUM OF ALL FEARS

u told me it wouldnt happen but it did. it always happens. it might not be because of them but it happend in there time frame. i told u i didnt want to go on vacation because of the fear of losing u. well look what happened. u relized how much fun u could have with out me while i was gone. and a week after i got back u broke up with me. and what do u know the week u break up with me is the first week of football. i know u didnt break up with me because of football but it still happen early on in the season like in normaly dose. u might think u know but u have no clue how much u hurt me last night saying u dont want to call ur self my gf. i know ur in some pain but it couldnt possably as much pain as im in right now. u wanted this i didnt. it dosnt bother u say were not going out anymore because thats what u want but it fucking kills me. technically since u broke up with me after 12 last night this is the worse day of my life. the one good solitary thing in my life is starting tarnish. and the worse thing is ..is that it wants to tarnish. .........i cant talk about this anymore ....im in the worse mood..everyone can tell. im just going to go work on my math. its the only thing i can do try to get my mind of this horrable turn of events.

2003-08-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

i still have thoughts on my mind. when i made the list of your the first person i re read yours and you wrote that you only need to hear i love you once a day to be set.. then what was that talk last night? about saying i love you? not rally important im just wondering. so today was fun to an extent. last night wet alked about how sometimes i feel like were to physical.. and although today was fun it was just how i was feeling last night. i feel like just because my parents arnt home we have to do stuff like that. also about what bothered you i wasnt waiting for you to say stop you just asked before i said it. i really wasnt waiting for you to. but yeah. what hurt the most about today was you said you wouldnt ask me every again about being ready and you asked me multiple times today. i hated that it made me so mad. and then later you asked if we were going to soon and i just got up and got dressed.. why do you ask me that? why do you put me on the spot like that? why do you make me so upset when i give you an answer? so tonight i wasnt mad that you dumped water on me. i was more mad that you didnt pay any attention to me. i openly admit that i love attention.. but you just played volleyball the whole time. and you all were rude to me and ashlee when we were just trying to play so we quit. im glad you and ross got along cause ross is like my best guy friend. but you could have at least hung out with me a little so i gave up and thats why i seemed like i was avoiding you. like i said last night.. we are taking this relationship way way to seriously when i want to be relaxed and have fun.. maybe there is no way to solve this cause i feel like we are going around in circles and fighting.

2003-08-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

Today was our 5 month annaversary. it was one of the most increadble days of my life. and one of the best days ive had in a really long time. today we went farther then we have ever gone before. i dont care that we didnt go all the way. what we did do was still amazing. im glad that were still progressing even if its creeping along. it just means were bothing going to enjoy it that much more when we get there. last night u were telling me to tell u things that bother u. well heres one....when i would stick in a little we would go at it for a little bit. then i would ask u if u wanted me to put on a condom and u sayed no ....(im cool with that) but then i asked u if u wanted me to stop. and u said yes. you should have to wait for me to tell u ....if u want to stop just let me know.....ill understand. just look at me and say not yet. .......moving on. the rest of my day was cool too. lunch with ur mom was great. i like TGIF. Football was fun .....i got hit....people hit me ....it was great. then i came home and i was starving so i took a slice of pizza in the shower with me while i got wet. then when i was finish i washed up. i went to the party which was fun. u seemed mad at me for some reason. it was like u were avoid me. if it was because of when i poor water on ur head im sorry i was just trying to have fun i didnt know u were going to get mad. lol i thought brian had kind of a resembalance to zach.....but what do i know ive only seen him once a long time ago. ross and i got along real well tonight....hes a cool dude. u were right that team did need help with vollyball. then we went home. u have no clue how much u made my day when u got out of the care to give me hug instead of just giving me a kiss in the car. I loved it. thank u.
I LOVE YOU!! HAPPY 5TH

2003-08-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

Did You know..?
your the first person..i have ever made out with on the first date
your the first person..i have known from that first night we were meant to be together
your the first person..that has ever changed my views on saying i love you. i have never meant it until now.
your the first person..that i have gotten into a fight and not lost you.
your the first person..i have wanted to show you off to the world and meet everyone i know.
your the first person..i have ever dreamed of being with forever and ever.
your the first person..i have ever kissed a million times before.
your the first person..that has ever made me smile just by looking at you and even when im mad i still end up smiling because of you.
your the first person.. that has never failed to surprise me every chance you get.
your the first person.. that has shown me that its all worth fighting for and never to give up that true love never dies.

no matter what we go through we go through it together and that is one of the 1877455 reasons i love you to death.

2003-08-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Dreaming of you
by Robert J Eves

I lie here awake
Thinking of you
How much I need you
And the time I want to spend with you

I can only dream of the day
You will be in my arms
So I keep you safe
And close to me is where you'll stay

I long for each kiss
And every hug we'd share
I need you here by my side
To let you know how much I care

I would follow you to earth's end
To be you're man, as well as your friend
Just to be with you
I'd go anywhere and do anything

From the moment I saw you
I had a good feeling
I knew we would make the perfect two
To me you are so appealing

I wish there were
No others but us
We wouldn't care what others think or say
In your arms is where I want to stay

One day soon, we'll be together forever
And from your side, I'll leave never
In our own perfect world
Where we only live for each other

And all I need is you with me
In this crazy world, I hope you can see
I will be there shortly to hold and keep you safe
This is a promise, I to the grave I will take.

I LOVE YOU BABE! ~CHIRS

2003-08-06T16:21:00.000-07:00

Did you know?.....
your the first person i have ever told i want to marry them
your the first person to make me cry because i felt bad about something i did (good thing)
your the first person i made a dream house and family with
your the first person i bought flowers for
your the first person i have declared as my soul mate
your the first person i have gone to bed thinking about and woke up still thinking about .....every night
your the first person i have truly loved
your the frist person to ever give me the butterflys because u smiled at me
your the first person to where it only take me one time hearing u say you love me to have me set for the day
your the first person.......

2003-08-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

DREAM #3 "MID-NIGHT FUN"

It was around 12:30 at night. I was laying in bed dreaming about katie like i normaly do. it takes me forever to fall asleep when i do. when all of a sudden one of my dreams started to come true. there was a knocking on my window. at first it scared the shit out me because i wasnt expecting the noise. but once i figured out where the nosie was coming from i decided to investagte. i looked out my window and there she was. the most beautiful girl in the world, MY KATIE. seeing her brought a smile to my face like it nomaly dose but seeing her at my window at 12:30 at night just brought that much more of one. so i put on some shorts and i ran to my garage and let her in. i wasnt afraid of anyone hearing us because they normaly cant anyways. we walked into my room, speaking no louder then a whisper. i asked her why she came over and she told me "For a little mid-night fun" and i was thinking to myself "whoa...this is awsome!!" she sat me down on my bed and started to remove my shirt. then she removed hers. i had my arms wraped around her legs as she was standing in front of me. i started to kiss her around her belly button. as i did so i started to slowly pull down her pants. she was rubbing my head playing with my hair. after i got her out of her pants she pulled my head back from kissing her stomic and pushed me back by my shoulders back on to the bed. she bent over and started to undo my blet. she unbuclked it and pulled it throught all the loops in one smooth move. and placed it on the floor. she pulled my pants off me so i was just in my boxers. i figured she would have just removed those but then she came back for more. she pulled my boxers off as well. then she pulls me up to a sitting possitions and she turns around and ask me if i could help her with her bra. so i reached up and un-did it for her. after she took it off she droped her hands down to her thong and stuck thumb inside one of the straps that run along the side of her hip and said can u help me with this too. so i reach out bit the back of it and started to slowy pull it down with my teeth until i couldnt bend over any futher and then i just let my hand guied it the rest of the way down. she slowly turned around and pushed me back down again. she straddled me and we started kissing. she started sucking on my ear. MY GOD I HAD NEVER BEEN TURNED ON MORE IN MY LIFE!!! she started kissing my neck and pecks. then she brought her lips up to my ears again and said "guess what?" and i said "what" and she said "im ready!" and i let out a deep breath. butterflys ran through out my body!! she asked my where my wallet was and i told her "its in my pants on the ground" so she reached down pulled out the wallet and searched through it until she found my condom. she unwraped it and sliped it on me. then she straddled me again. i slowly guied it into her. inch at a time. letting her get use to it. after a few mins we got it all the way in. and she started swaing back and forth. to me it felt great. i was on cloud nine. she was starting to feel the effect of losing her verginity. she starting to to get a little teary-eyed i wasnt sure if it was because of the pain or the love or regret. so i asked whats wrong? and she replyed it hurts a little but its a good hurt. and i just smiled at her and sayed i love you and she said dido. and we went back to making love. eventually i came. and it was over but it seemed to us as the most romantic night of our lives. i was so happy she came over. we just layed there for a few mins smiling and looking at each other. then she said i better go before we fall asleep. and i said .....well i dont think im going to be falling sleep anytime soon. but yeah ur right so i walked her to her car. we made out a little more outside like normal then she left. i walked back in side and wrote about it in our journal. it was the greatest night of my life. it was the first night i made love to my soul mate. and deffently not the last.

2003-08-03T01:30:00.000-07:00

well today was katies birthday party. even thought a lot of people canceled i think she still had a lot of fun. i know i did. i noticed that hpyerkatie was out later on tonight and then i noticed that at times sexyhpyer katie was out. e.g. when we went back to her room to get my stuff. and she "demanded" the full monty. she looked i saw ....she tried to keep eye contact with me but saw her eyes drifting. and i totaly dont care if they do ......if she sat there and stared i wouldnt of care. and now that i gave her a stirp show she has to do it in return ....hopefully on thursday. and if she dose on thursday like at the begining of the day i guessing that the rest of the day will be very fun for both of us. and if she request a longer better version of tonight show on thursday ......or any day for that matter .....she'll get it. oh and now that i got my wallet back i dont have to make another trip to the store anytime soon. ;)
I LOVE YOU KATIE HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2003-07-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

technacallylylyly chris comes home tomorrow i need to see his face.. i need a hug and the biggest kiss ever.! cant wait im sure i wont sleep tonight 16days we made it chris.. we made it just fine!

2003-07-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

shes perfect for you man there has to be somebody for me ~counting crows
its killing me only 2 days until our whole day is ours 1 days left until you come home. i hope that you call me when you get home i can at least hear your voice.. or see you. even if your tired =\ what sucks is that we have one day and then you leave again )=... then when you come home i work almost every day until school... maybe ill take days off and have ashlee do it.. but anyways i read your list just one more time i had to read it again makes me miss you but i love it. i got your letter yesterday took it to andreas with me.. along with al... and i read the letter and left it on her bed right next to al, came home and the damn dogs ate my letter and lets just say al was slobbery but no limbs missing damn i hate her dogs!!!! but at least the left al in once peice and i got to read the letter. )= well i will at least see you sunday if not before i love you and miss you

2003-07-24T16:41:00.000-07:00

I MISS YOU TOO!! I GOT UR LETTER TODAY =) IT WAS NICE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO READ. MAYBE I WILL BE ABLE TO COME SEE YOU AFTER I GET IN FROM MY FLIGHT. I HOPE SOO. ONLY 2 FULL DAYS LEFT! I WENT TO FENWAY PARK IN BOSTON!! THE RED SOX LOST BUT IT WAS STILL FUN. I DONT KNOW HOW U WANT TO LIVE THERE. HAVE U EVER BEEN THERE. YEAH ITS PRETTY BUT I SWEAR THAT TOWN HAS THE WORSE ROAD SIGNS IN THE WORLD....OR SHOULD I SAY LACK OF!! U NEVER KNOW WHERE THE HELL U ARE IN NEW ENGLAND. IT JUST MAKES ME MISS ARIZONA. HOPEFULLY I GET MY LAST DAY OF WAKE BOARDING IN TOMORROW. I DONT KNOW WHY IM PUTTING THIS IN OUR JOURNAL I SHOULD HAVE JUST SENT IT TO U THROUGH EMAIL. OH WELL. OH YEAH I CANT BELIVE I FORGOT TO TELL U .......I LOVE YOU!!!

2003-07-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Damn i miss you sooo much it didnt really really hit me until i have stayed home the last two nights bored out of my mind and all i can think about is if you were here i would be with you. non stop smiling. i cant wait for you to come home. )= 5 more days..seems so far away. it hasnt helped i have been having a hard time that i cant talk to anyone about. several things are going bad but every morning i just put on a smile and pretend its all ok. and i knwo it will be eventually.

2003-07-20T22:25:00.000-07:00

im so upset im so sad i have no one to talk to no one to cry with. i miss you. i need a hug and i want this pain to go away.

2003-07-18T23:44:00.000-07:00

theres nothing ill forget when the moon gets tired
9 pages on their way for you as of tomorrow! right now i am contemplating how i am going to fit it all in an envelope and how many friggin stamps i need. love you and thank you i loved this day just as you said i would!

2003-07-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

Right now you're all that I recognize
wow. today really was a good day. i dont have a l ot to write back that i havnt already told you. or wrote in my journal. so you can read that. i am going to start writing you back and it will be really long so you will have lots to read. thank you for the letter... i didnt really get the comic?? maybe my mom will be ammused by it she loved the fact you actually thought of her. my dad is on his way home =\ hope things will be ok. damn i miss you so much! now i know what life is like with out you and it is horrible! i didnt know that you have lost girlfriends when on vaction etc. im so sorry! but your not losing me. soemthing prolly happens becuase now were alone and have to experiance life with out eachother some my find it better but not me its fun but not nearly as fun as it is with you. thank you for your responce you took it better then i thought you would. if you were joking around about me dancing with other guys.. im sorry i didnt know you sounded pretty serious and worried about it all. i just want you to be able to not worrie have fun and know i will always be there with you at the end of everyday my heart still belongs to you always. i am glad you trust me i needed to hear that becuase i just didnt know.i wasnt saying that im doing this becuase your gone i think i ephasized that i wasnt doing it caseu you were gone. i just realized i missed all of this not mISSED OUT~ MISSED it. i love taking you along sometimes its just girl out having fun or something.. i have never said anything but positive things when you go hang out with your friends in fact i wish you would more i feel like i take you away from them. or im crazy that too. i know to you its me going out with my exs but to me its not its going out with people i have been really good friends with for years and years. its nothing. please dont think of them as my EXS youd ont even know all my exs i leave some out of my life some i dont the ones i dont are becuase i trust them and love them to death they are great friends. there is NOTHING to worrie about ever! i know hearing that prolly doenst help cause its deep down inside that bothers you but still. dont ask for me to spare time for you thats uncalled for. i dont need to spare time come on if anything i would need to spare time for my friends you are always first it makes me come off like i dont. and dont doubt that i wont be your girl friend when you get home dont ever think that dont! i am i always will beyour not losing me were just taking a step back.

2003-07-18T09:25:00.000-07:00

I knew this was going to happen. every time i go on vacation or my girlfriend gose on vacation i end up losing them or something happens. Katie what u dont understand is, is that i really dont care that much about sex. i also look at it as a bonus. i mean i know i ask for it a lot but thats just becasue lately its seemed like our realationship was getting really physical. i told u once and ill tell u again i will wait. I LOVE YOU and i would wait until marrage if i had to. U mean everything to me. i never untrusted you...i was just joking around when i asked u if u dance with any guys.....i wouldnt have cared if u danced with them as long as u come home to me everyday. when i was talking to brooke about it, it was because we wernt talking i need to spark up a convo. I TRUST U SO MUCH! The other day i was thinking about our past relationship i was thinking about all the times i asked u if u were ready...now that i think about it i should have never asked u. it was way to early in our relationship.....it still is. im never going to ask you again. this dosent mean that i never want to have sex with u it just means i will try to keep it off my mind...i let it chill on urs until the time is right. i was never holding u back from u going out and chilling with ur friends so dont say just because im gone that thats the reason u have been. u never heard me once complain when u went out with ur friends instead of me. and never would i and i would hope the same would come from u if i went out with one of my friends. every boyfriend in this world would be going crazy if they heard they're girlfriend occationly gose out with there ex. but not me. i could care less. i would hope that u would go out with all ur friends, whenever u want, all i ask is that u spare some time with me, or bring me along. u know uve only brought me along 3 times. once when we went nome stealing, once for beagles in the morning, and the last time was at deinse party. if im forgeting any other times im sorry. i know it sounds like im mad but im really not. why did u have to wait until i went on vacation to tell me this stuff. u could have told me while we were in bed on my lunch break the other day. i would have understood. i promise that when i get home. officialy that i will take u out and do all those cool things you want to do at night. or even during the day since im not going back to work. im just praying that ur still going to be my gril friend when i get back. please tell me u are. KATIE I LOVE YOU AND I DONT EVER WANT TO LOSE YOU! let me rewrite me little thing from before. some things ill keep in there.

THINGS I MISS ABOUT MY KATIE.

-her eyes looking into mine
-her smile smiling at one of the weird things i do
-her genirosity such as her cold feet rubbing on my sunburn
-her voice wispering in my ear "I LOVE YOU!"
-the way she collects everything we do in some way or another
-the way she always lets me try to fix her problems
-the way i can trust her no matter what
-when ever i say I LOVE YOU she says it back no matter what.
-the way she was willing to spend a night in a frezzing van with me just so i wouldnt have to do it alone.
-how shes my blanky and im her pillow
-i miss how we all ways talk about our dream house and how padro is our bitch
-i miss how we act like our cars our dating
-i miss how she talks to me every night online
-i miss that even if we get into a little fight she forgives me almost that very same night
-(im crying right now because this is reminding me about how much i miss u and LOVE YOU!)
-i miss that u always gave into our I LOVE YOU fights even though we were always even
-i miss the way that u are the perfect girlfriend
-i miss our "i need a hug" which i do need right now
-i miss how u were always willing to go see a movie with me even if u didnt want to see it. im sure u never wanted to watch DUMB AND DUMBER but u did and im so happy u did ....not because u watch the movie but because u watched it with me.
-and the thing i still miss most of all is YOU... you all together, everything u come with weather its good or bad.

please repsond! I LOVE YOU!!!

2003-07-18T00:34:00.000-07:00

Things i miss from him....
* his smile
* his eyes
* his crazy theorys/ ideas/ and actions
* the way he always makes me laugh even when he is trying to be serious
* the way he never fails to surprise me with everything
* his heart and that he always knows what to say when im upset to make everything ok, all the problems go away.
* the way he says he loves me more everyday and means it

you see this is what LOVE is. not. her legs and everything inbetween rubbing against my legs and everything inbetween,her hands squezzing my hand as hard as she can and letting them wondering around,-her ass griped firmly by my hands -her tounge rubbing against mine -her teeth biting my ear its all phyical thast not what love is supose to be thatsj ust the bonus that comes with it all.. love is the things you just cant get enough of and can never live with out.

2003-07-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

Day: damn im so lost?

so i think i have a lot to write am i sure i want to write it...defentaly not? am i sure i know how to word it all? once again probably not likely. but here goes nothing. as much as i hate it things have been so completely different since you have been gone. i cant explain it but its changed. for the better or for nothing at all i am not sure of yet. but still not the same. i have had No personal alone time no stay at home and chill nights at all. every night ive been out and partying and im sorry if this upsets you but im having a great time and it is NOT becuase you are gone but only because its becoming just like last summer but much better, were older, we drive. for some reason my mom has givin me extended curfew the last few days ive come home 1:30-2am just for the hell of it. anyways not really the point... after all these events and hanging out with friends.. i have realized ive been missing out on all of this.. the majority of the summer.. late nights, clubs stuff like that. i have no idea where im going with this but im gonna keep trying to write. well i have done a lot of thinking not really in deep thought but i have gotten a better idea of what i want in life and who i want to be and everything about me why i do the things i do why i fail to tell people the complete truth why i let things slide instead of just standing up for what i believe in or feel. so i came to the conclusion i dont really know any of this i ONLY THINK I DO. maybe i never will until im 90. but i dont want to be serious i dont want to worrie i dont want to cry i DONT WANT TO BE QUESTIONED, every move, every person, everyday, i feel very untrusted. maybe thats why i havnt responded to emails to letters to Messages.. if your not asking me your asking my friends... VERY UNTRUSTED! i had a long talk with a trusting friend [nameless] about how its youth were supose to be crazy and have fun and careless. before you left we were pretty serious with being together together.. but im saying right now im telling you what I want. i dont want to have sex and i dont want to be as physical as we were before you left. honestly it scares me. what scares me more is that you might not take this the way i want it to be taken.. this is what i want and if it makes you unhappy im sorry but tell me what you think so i know. i just want things to be more relaxed and not tence. i love you and you can still have love with out all the physical things. ok. i think thats what i wanted to say .. i think? Damn.

2003-07-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

Things I MISS from home.....

-her eyes looking into mine
-her smile smiling at one of the weird things i do
-her red hair with its beautiful style (more then ever now)
-her lips pressing against mine
-her legs and everything inbetween rubbing against my legs and everything inbetween
-her hands squezzing my hand as hard as she can and letting them wondering around
-her cold feet rubbing on my sunburn
-her voice wispering in my ear "I LOVE YOU!"
-her ass griped firmly by my hands
-her tounge rubbing against mine
-her teeth biting my ear
-but the thing I MISS most from home is HER ....MY KATIE!!!

2003-07-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Day 5?
havnt really thought much about it or much about anything... nothing seems important.. got an email from chris today. it was nice and it informed me that he has sent me a snail mail letter... cool! hope he is having fun cause summer is going good here.!

2003-07-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

Day 3
Day three consisted of nothing but babysitting and oh babysitting. it defentaly kept my mind off of NOThign.. all i thought about was random things about chris and us together. it got the best of me and made me sad the fact that he isnt here. talking to him occionally online seems cool at the time but sucks afterwards cause one we never talk long enough [it could never be long enough] and it makes me miss him more then i thought i could.

Day 4
today was really sucky i babysat once more... but it was worse the day was very endless! it was crazy and very annoying i only talked to chris for like 3 min if that )= however i did get a very veyr cute ecard that brightened my day. damnit i miss him!!!

2003-07-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

Day 2

well its not so bad.. i slept most of the day and then am getting ready to go to a meeting then lunch and the BOOKSTORE with my mom. im keeping myself busy... tonight im going to party with denise and maybe sarah (i hope) i mean we have become good friends the last few weeks all things aside shes a great person. i thought my week off would have been a lot more exciting then it turned out to be *sigh* oh well

(written in my journal from wednesday)
we said our final goodbyes tonight he leaves tomorrow early early morning )= sadness!!!!!!!!!!!! i have a list of things to keep me busy but it wont matter when it comes down to the end of the day and i know that i didnt hear his voice i didnt see his face. Al will help me through falling asleep tho.. i hope. chris have a really fun time and remember i love you like crazy and the 27th will be great.

2003-07-10T16:12:00.000-07:00

Day 1

so chris left this morning and i have been babysitting a child in a foul mood all day.. kills me i got home at 2 and am sooo tired! i dont want to deal with this. i think saying goodbye even tho its only 16 days was one of the hardest things i have done. i dont know why it was so bad because its not like im never going to see him again but man it sucked.

2003-07-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

hm interesting day dream..honestly i might finish it i might not...

you asked if there was more time what would have happened?
i defenatly wish that there was more time becuase i was so ready and wanted you so much.
none the less lunch break was so great!!!!!

happy 4 months! i love you!

2003-07-08T00:42:00.000-07:00

Dream #2 =) ~Day Dream~

The smell of bridge night was in the air. Katie came over to pick me up from my Dads. As we were walking out the door my father yelled "Hey where are you 2 off to?" and I replied "We're going to the movies and then back to her house...ill be home around 12!" and I slammed the door and Katie and I walked towards her car. We were using her car because my car was in the shop at the time. Right before we got to it I grab her and pulled her to me and kissed her and said "You have know clue how much you have been on my mind all day!" and she replied "Oh I know, I know ... I’ve been wanting this time to get here as fast as it could possibly get here.” I smiled and kissed her again. Then we got in the car and drove towards basis for some desert. We had some normal small talk on the way there. As we were pulling up into the parking lot I looked a Katie and said (with a little wink) "hey do you want to skip desert and just go strait to my house?" she replied "God, yes... Total GM. I was so just about to say that!" so we hoped back in the car and went to my house about as fast as we possibly could! We ran into the house just about as fast as we were driving. We went back to my room and slammed the door. I started to turn on some music and Katie snuck up behind me and hugged me from behind. I was already turned on by all the excitement. She started to kiss my neck and nibble on my ear. Then her hand went from rubbing my chest to running down my pants. She started massaging me down below. First rubbing my balls around then she slid her hand up to the top of my penis and started to stroke it. She was doing it perfect ….almost too perfect. She had just her thumb and index finger wrapped around it near the end with just enough pressure to make it just right. I ended up having to slow her down before she made me get off right there. I turned around in her arms, and we kissed. She paused for a second and reached behind me and turned the music up a little and said “I love this song!” The song was Satellite by Dave Matthews Band. She backed up from me leaving me leaning against the desk near the stereo. She was wearing a this little pink skirt thing which I really liked. She started to kind of dance to the music in a very sexy way. She reached her hands down to the end of her skirt and started pulling it upward. My eyes were completely focused on her. She kept pulling it higher and higher soon reveling the bottom of her thong. I almost got off right there just watching her do this. And yep sure enough she wore the cheetah print. I was started to move towards her and she stuck out her finger and said “Hold on cowboy” Let me finish. And because I’m wiped beyond repair I was back to the desk in no time at all. She came up to me with the skirt now at her hips showing the entire thong. She turned around and started to give me a standing lap dance. Rubbing her beautiful ass on the huge lump I had built up in my shorts. I started to caress her and she looked backed at me and said “Hey man, wait ….ill let you know when.” So knowing me I just put my hands up, back around my head and told her to “Have at it” and she stepped out in front of me again and began sliding the skirt more up her body and up and over her head taking it off completely. To my amazement she wasn’t wearing a bra. So now I’m sitting her looking at my girl friend making herself comfy on my bed and all she is wearing is a loosely tied on thong waiting to be removed also.
Once she had made herself comfy on my bed she looked at me and said “Your turn big boy!” So I turned around and change the song to New Found Glory’s -- My Friends Over You. Not because of the lyrics or anything but just because it’s a good song. I turned back around and walked slowly towards her removing my shirt on the way exposing my nicely tanned abs, and pecks. I got right up next to the bed shoving my pelvis out farther then the rest of my body….hinting towards my belt and said “Would you please remove my whip for me?” And you grabbed it and unbuckled it and slid it though the loops faster then it had ever been removed. And you threw it across the room. And said “No need for whips tonight.” I continued by unbuttoning my pants and slipping them to my ankles and stepping out of them. And then you said “Stand on your bed” so out of curiosity I hoped up there wearing nothing but my black boxer briefs. You got up to your knees and had your face at about belly button height on me. You reached around and grabbed the back side of my boxers with both you hands and for the front side you reached out and bit collar of them. You slowly moved you way down pulling and tugging and until you had them all they way down.

……..To be continued by Katie! no later then 7/9/03
p.s. Make it Spicy!!

2003-07-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

oh no your never gonna shake me, i was one babe in a moment in time, cause you know in your heart our love will never end

Tomorrow makes it 4 months. 4 whole months.. i cant believe it. it doesnt seem like only 4.. it seems like so much longer maybe becuase its so much more. tomorrow will contain dinner and stomp. i am very excited (= it will most likely be the last time i will see him before he leaves me for days and days almost a whole entire month. my birthday will come and go and then he will return. also on the 27th he comes home for one day and i couldnt possibly want a day to come any sooner in my life. i am gonna miss him soooo much. but when he comes home it will be all the much better! but i just wanted to say that these last 4 months have been so great i am thankful for each and everday that i can wake up and know i am the luckest girl in the entire world. i love you chris.

2003-07-06T01:39:00.000-07:00

i have a lot to say so i might not finish right now..i am not sure where to start or how to put this into understandable words cause its all just jumbled in my head. i couldnt find the words last night so im going to try again. yesterday was the fourth of july...chris and i did a number of things from boring to exciting..we had an "early bridge night" all in all that was very fun..[ok now what i had to say im going to be completely honest.]

however afterwards on the way home i felt like complete shit. he made me feel so bad. i know that wasnt his intention but it reallly really upset me to the point where i wouldnt talk of fear of bursting into tears. i am ready and i still firmly believe that i am im not taking that back and its not there to tease you for any reason its not and is/was never my intention although i see how it could be taken like that. i dont know what is wrong.. i hate it, your right there is something there that is stopping me from saying yes each time you asked. i love you and it wasnt wrong place wrong time cause it doesnt get any better then that.. and its defenatly NOT that i dont want to be with you. when you said that... it hurt the most out of the whole entire conversation. when you asked me if i did i couldnt believe that i had to answer.. i just figured you knew that i do. i know i am complicated but i never thought you would ever think that.i have NEVER not wanted to be with you. i told you that other night that i wanted to feel you inside me.. im not just saying things out of nowhere. but when it comes down to it when we are so close to doing it..something tells me that its just not right. i dont know what it is... but its something... and it has nothing to do with you... its me.. its something that i am dealing with and im not sure what that is at the time being.. maybe, well i know i do, i will always have that way way way way deep tiny gut feeling that the closer we get the harder its going to be if or when i lose you. and i know that we have both said it 7895453348422218987954649896 times that were together forever, but that tiny doubt is there... even though i still trust you completely and there isnt anything that is gonna get rid of it only time.. im still new on this whole letting myself get comfortable and close with someone again. it doesnt seem hard i know and with you its so easy but ok.. this isnt what i really wanted to say.. anyways..back to in the car.. i wanted to say so much and when you said are you going to say anything couples are supose to talk.. that made me more upset only becuase i had soo much to say but i coudlnt put it into words and keep myself from crying. so i dont want you to think that when things like this come up that i dont talk about them becuase i do and will i just done know what to say. i kept thinking all the way home how i let you down and how you say that you dont get your hopes up for things becuase they get shot down and i felt like the compete cause of that. i let you down and even though you said you were ok with the fact i said no and that your glad i just told you i didnt want to i still was a let down. i hate the fact that i felt like i broke a promise to you because i told you i was ready and then "changed my mind". once again i dont know what the reason is and i REALLY hate that.. but i just dont want to do it with even the tinyest "doubt" i want it to be perfect. i guess i just rambled on but i feel a little better now that ive kind of said a few things... but i love you so much always remember that.

2003-06-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

look up look down all around me satelite.
ok this update is in regard to the entry farther back.

buddy night was fun. we had a lot of people show up which was nice i could tell it made my dad happy. less people came then what was said, but hey that always happens. it was cool to see the DOJO full again. i miss all the students that quit we use to have so many. anyways chris was a good sport as me and my dad beat up on him teehee. i loved the "chat" my dad has with chris about how he likes him and didnt really beat up on him and that he was a good guy. hehe made me happy cause i have yet to hear my dad say he likes chris even though he tells my mom all the time and she tells me but ive personally never heard him say it (= acutally come to think of it i have never heard him say it about anyone ive dated. i know he disliked a lot of them. well i stayed the night at karas the other night and i was surprised my mom let me stay she was half asleep when i asked but she didnt seem to mind at all. maybe it will be able to happen again. yet i dont know if really want it to hearing my best friend yelling at my boyfriend. it was the most uncalled for thing in the world. she was taking a shower and didnt want me to hang out with chris while she did. and i am nOT taking sides they both had really good points. she shouldnt tell chris he cant spend time with his own girlfriend and then again i was karas guest and she prolly felt like i was leaving her. we talked a little bit about it when she got out and i see where she was coming from but there was no reason for her to yell at him. i just walked away cause one i didnt want to hear it and two im forever stuck in the place where i cant say anything without making one of them upset so i just stay out of it the best way i know how.. in complete silence. well i hung out with chris just the same in the kitchen and then returned to her room as she was getting out so she thought i was there the whole time. i wasnt bumbed at karas tantrum i was bumbed at both of them for fighting it wasnt her at all it was both of them there is no reason to fight ESPICIALY over me i mean why me? what is there to fight for/over?

"katie thinks its all our problem when kara has these messed up freak outs but its not its karas"
i think its everyones fault/problem that we all four cant hang out without getting mad. i never said it was everyones fault that kara throughs fits.. never said that. i said that its our fault and i hate the fact that we all cant get along. no one is ever happy in the situation. cory doesnt like kara and i together. i dont like being left out of karas life or being ignored when she is around cory. kara doesnt like us dating at all [ i knew she wasnt coming around] she doesnt like us together around her either. you dont like kara and i together cause we have our jokes and such and you and cory both feel left out even though its nothing we do wrong or can control. see eveyrone hates something about it all and i said that its our job to make sure we all 4 got along and had fun. so i hope you better understand that it wasnt anything about kara and her spaz attacks that i said was anyones fault but her own. (=

Today was a horrible day if you ask me i once agian got blown off by kara. so what else is new but this time was way worse. well after having a bad day chris came and picked me up and we went to his house i read a little while he worked sorta on his math and then we went swimming to help our sunburns. hope it helped him cause it only made mine hurt more. chlorine i guess isnt a good solution for my sunburns. well none the less we had some fun in the pool and it totaly made my day so much better. thank you i love you.

i am gonna miss chris soooo much when he leaves. and then he is home one whole day and then he leaves agian. its killing me that he is gonna be gone that long but in a way i am sorta glad. i am someone who loves dating peopel that dont go to the same school becuase seeing them every single day soemtimes creates problems and i love the fact that when you do see them its all the better. so i guess what i am saying is that i love the fact that he is going to be gone as much as i hate it cause when he comes back it will be all the more better. spending time together will seem so much more then it did before. yet i am going to hate it when he really is gone but still.

2003-06-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

with the lights out its less dangerous
slide rock was so much fun i loved it. i enjoyed spending time with all four of us and i loved the chance to spend the day with chris. we had fun walking around... and now we both have really bad sunburns. mine is more red but his hurts more go figure its ok i played doctor or so he told me (=. then we watched 100girls which was a pretty good movie..even though i guess i missed parts =\. my parents were watching a movie and i couldnt hear so my mom let me close the door.. to me this is a big thing it means she trusts us, the only other guy she ever lets me shut my door with is eric cause shes known him forever. well i took advantage.. i mean since there isnt bridge night then i figured the doors closed why not. and i defentaly enjoyed myself.it was amazing. im not gonna be able to sleep nor read tonight hm.

well its no longer stuck in my head...sounds crazy but its not. let me see if i can explain this.. well yanoo how i said that even though you didnt mean it you said it.. and that it was in my head and no matter what i was going to consider what you said. well i didnt at all today or the day before. it doesnt matter what you said the reasons were cause i know. so what i am trying to say is that i think i am still ready and when the time is right.

i have more to write about the long entry but my sunburn is hurting so im gonna go lay down. ill write tomorrow

2003-06-29T22:47:00.000-07:00

Slide rock was a blast! i so enjoyed it all except the sunburn i recived =( katie played doctor for me. she rubbed her nice cold feet on my back and stomich. it felt so good. then she rubbed this naczima on it which cooled it a little more. we watched the movie 100 girls which katie liked even though she missed a good 15 mins or so of the movie. it seemed like the movie was turning her on or something because ive never seen her like this before when her parent were home. it was amazing. at one point i actually took my penis out of my pants and was having her get off on that. she could proably fell that it wasnt in my pants. it felt like she was felling it a little more then useal. well if she wasent i deffently was. i could fell myself getting a little more depth in side of her. i cant (can) wait until our fist time. when i make actual penitration. she will fell something like she has never felt before. i mean come on lets think about this my penis is twice the length of my fingers and is the width of 2 and half of them. so i guess what im tring to say is instead of me being soar for the rest of the night it going to be her. but hey ....its a good soarness.